Letter 1
Dear C and A,
I used to write to you regularly, at least once a month, in these two notebooks I had bought. I started before you were born and wrote a letter to you each. It was my hope that on your 18th birthday, I’d give them to you, and you’d get to know your dad. Not your memories of your dad, but my memories of myself as your dad. Sadly, I won’t be able to give them to you. They were stolen from me on a trip to LA earlier this year. I hope these can suffice.
Winter came to Bozeman this week. Not the shake you to your bones cold of the depths of true winter, but our second snow storm of the year. We lost a few branches from the 50 year old willow out front. Our neighbor lost their whole tree, so I’m grateful it was only a few, even if your mom got mad at me for using a chainsaw at the top of our ladder trying to cut off those branches during the snowstorm. What can I say, I’m stubborn.
I think you’re both handling the changing season better than I am. I’m stressed trying to stay happy and healthy, and you two are weathering it with excitement and poise. It’s an example I hope to emulate more of.
C, you’ve been struggling with attention and focus. Or maybe as Byron Katie should have taught me, I’ve been struggling with your attention and focus. I love that you can hold your focus so deeply when you find what excites you. I just wish I could get you to eat and get dressed when I ask. But you’re getting there. AND, you got promoted to the leadership team in BJJ this week. I don’t know who’s prouder, you or me. I’m in love with your passion for Jiu-Jitsu, and hope you hold it for a long time.
A, I’m not sure if you’re sick or just exploring your boundaries. I love your sass, but I am not sure I’m ready for it at the same time. This week you told me you were “for sure going to break my heart.” Your confidence makes me smile. Go get em girl. I still get some great hugs and kisses from you and I hope that lasts.
Your mom and I are still stressing over the house remodel and figuring out how to afford our future. I’ve been in explore mode all year: starting Uniquely, writing, consulting, and wanting to start our garden. This week has been hard, as it should be a time to rest but it’s still stressful. I’m hoping you guys don’t notice.
I’ll leave you two with a wish. Don’t let the worst of me ruin the best of you. Your mom and I are doing the best we can. You two are so beautiful and we’re so proud. I hope you always know that.
Love,
Your dad