Letter 2
Dear A and C,
We got our first real snowstorm of the season this week. Not the first snow, but the first storm, hovering around 0 or slightly below. It’s cold! You guys are transitioning seamlessly into it, maybe more so than I am. Every time the seasons change, I get sick. This time is no different - I feel like I’ve gotten my 20th cold of the year. I need to do something different. I can’t keep getting sick this year. A number of years ago I got my health and diet under control and wasn’t sick for close to 2 years. Now I need to figure out what is happening. I hope you’ll read this and 1) realize I want to be around to spend time with you guys for a long time and 2) be inspired to take control of your own health. Not with pharmaceuticals but with real food and integrative medicine that looks at your health holistically. At least, that’s the best path I see in 2022.
This week your mom and I are dealing with a frustrating experience with someone who we believed was a fairly friend. Who it is isn’t important, but what happened is a good lesson. I started to wonder if they were getting frustrated with us due to some weird remarks they’d made, but I let them slide. That was my mistake. I should have responded head-on. However, we received a text a few days ago that was both passive-aggressive and shocked us at the accusations listed. The text listed a decision they’d made to stop helping us, surrounded by a trope about wanting to have us over for dinner to maintain being friends at the start and a push to keep our friendship going at the end. I’m sure you all know me well enough to know that I’m not particularly interested in having dinner there. Both of us are insulted, not as much by the accusations as by the delivery.
A few lessons (told completely from my POV) that I hope you both take away:
If you’re frustrated with a friend about something, have the courtesy to talk to them about it directly. Tell them why you’re frustrated and have the respect to let them try to fix it. If they don’t want to, at least you know. Chances are, they probably aren’t aware.
If someone is a friend, don’t keep score. Don’t care about what they owe you or what you’ve done for them. If they’re a friend, be happy to be their friend. Otherwise, that friendship won’t last. If you’re concerned you’re being taken advantage of, re-read lesson 1.
If you’ve decided to change something that affects a friend, talk to them in person. At least over the phone or video chat. Don’t do it over text.
If you’re going to have a tough conversation with someone, grow a pair and have the tough conversation. Don’t put it in the middle of a shit sandwich. It’s just disrespectful, and it weakens your point.
The way you handle yourself with others is the type of person you are. So make it something you’re proud of.
You’re both asleep right now, finally finding some rest through the excitement of the last few days. We’ve been visiting Mimi today. I’ll write more about that in the coming weeks, but a quick note to say I love seeing you guys bonding with her.
Love,
Your Father