On New Projects and Self-Awareness

Where I tease a new project coming next week

There’s something magical about starting a new project. There’s an electrical charge in the air, a potential if you will. Ideas seem to flow easily, and as the proverbial saying goes, “our cup overfloweth.” I tend to feel it in my arms, shoulders, and chest, almost like they’re pushing against the world with their own potential.

I’m feeling that expansion now. I’ve been heads down for the last few weeks working on a new project. I’m really excited about this one. It combines so much of what I’ve done in the past with what I’m interested in now and where I’m going. And it’s turning into something really beautiful. To say I’m proud doesn’t really do it justice.

When I was in my 20s and even my early 30s, I used to think this manic potential was what life was all about. I had found the flow state, was pursuing my purpose for being alive, and was on the path to figuring it all out. Life was good. But then eventually the high would come crashing down. The project would get hard, or it would succeed and be over, and either way I’d be left looking for the next high. And I’d find myself wondering where that purpose had gone.

It took me a while to realize that high wasn’t what life was about. It wasn’t me. Now that I’ve reached my 40s, with maybe a little more perspective under my belt (a very little bit, don’t get me wrong), I’ve come to realize that who I am isn’t dependent on a state. I’m not more or less because I’m excited, depressed, peaceful, or manic. Those are all states which I experience, but I am beyond any and all of those.

Let’s take a moment to let that sink in.

I can’t tell you what that I is. Not just because words don’t do it justice, but every time I think about it entire concepts no longer make sense. It’s a little bit like the mother of all psychedelic trips. Only way more transformative. But I know that it is there.

Which isn’t to say I can’t experience pride, excitement, and joy. I can. I’m experiencing them right now, as I think about this new project. I’m experiencing smiles of wonder thinking about sharing it all with you. I’m experiencing sensations of nervousness imagining how it will be received when I launch it. I know that the pride and the fear and the nervousness all go together, and I know many more experiences will come when it’s live.

But the I that is experiencing those feelings: that I, simply is.

AND…this new project is going to be so cool. It officially launches next Thursday. I’ll share more details when it does, but leave it to say I’ve put in so much work. The posts are some of my best writing, the details are all coming together, and it’s a stretch from what I’ve done in the past. Look out for a post next Thursday that shares what it is and why I’m so excited about it. I do hope you’ll join.