I hear you, Latham. But what is writing, after all, if not a neverending process of self exploration? So these moments of pause are necessary and healthy, especially for someone so sensitive and introspective as you. I myself have tweaked my writing to embrace more of the fiction world. I discovered autofiction and am enjoying it very much. I realized that by constructing characters around yourself you mysteriously get to know more about who you are. Quite the infinite quest, I think. So if I were to pick among the alternatives you listed, I’d certainly go towards fiction.
I think my own version of that, somewhat similar but just a bit different, is: what is writing if not a neverending search for some form of truth. Maybe that's self exploration, I'm realizing, for me, that search for some form of truth needs to move past what I think of as "me", the ego, the small s self, the hurts and pains and passions, and move into more of a universal understanding and truth. In some way, I think my self-exploration has focused too much on the exploration, and not enough on the self.
I love what you've done with your writing. I'm thinking about fiction strongly, studying it and dabbling in it, wanting to commit fully, but also not ready to declare anything yet. But I'd love to talk about it more as I continue.
I started writing during the homeschooling years. It gets easier to write alongside more independent kids but I’m pausing too. My fiction is a mess but I keep trying to finish shorter pieces! I admire your pivot to a different project. Hope you come back when the time is right Latham.
I didn't realize you had started writing during the homeschool years. That's so impressive. My son is not yet independent enough. He needs a lot of attention right now, as we're breaking bad habits formed at public and private schools and laying the foundation for future explorations. One of my goals for next year (4th grade if he was in school) is to build some more independence into our routine. But I'm nervous about it. I also have so many questions about how your homeschooling experience was, what you nudged your kids towards and what you let them lead on, etc.
I'll be back. When the time is right, and when the project is ready. I'm already feeling a renewed sense of excitement at simply finding a new project.
Homeschooling is so hard and worthwhile. Is this the project you are alluding to? My daughter is also the same year. We’ve picked up a lot of bad habits at school too. We were doing a Charlotte Mason approach, nature based, child-led, and individualized based on her interests when she was 5-7. We had a lot of fun but I worried too much that we didn’t have the discipline for a consistent routine. Now she has the discipline of a consistent routine but she’s losing her love of learning. There’s so many trade offs with school! I’m here if you need any help Latham or encouragement. I fantasize about going back to homeschooling because it is really was the most intense investment of time you can do as a parent. But it wasn’t right for the season of life I was in.
Letting go is the hardest thing for our ego. I read Ryan Holiday’s “Ego is the Enemy” several times and loved it.
Surrendering to the unknown and new was the key for me nearly 15 years ago when I got sober. All of it—had to learn to be new again. It’s worth it. I’ll be curious and reading my friend. 🙏
I've read "Ego is the Enemy" more than once. I have multiple highlighted sections with notes that say some form of "Fuck yes!" as it helped me at a certain stage of my understanding. I even wrote to Ryan once telling him how much his work meant to me when I was a younger man. I'm glad to know it's helped you too.
I'm also curious, but I feel a renewed sense of excitement in searching for a new project. There are ideas bubbling up that I didn't know I would be excited about before I wrote this. It's funny how publicly surrendering to the unknown, burning it all down with no way of going back, seems to change our outlook.
Thanks for being here with me. You guys helped me have the courage to declare this end.
"There’s the desire (the deep seated need really) to be important. To do something worthy of this life, maybe even to be remembered in the history books. And then there’s the identity I built to accomplish all of those successes. The identity as someone who never quits. I never quit. I’m a winner."
I grew up feeling like the weird kid without the secret handshakes, so everything about that quote above rings true for me except the last line. I had a more tragic view: I'd never get ahead, but by God, I'd never quit.
I've had to reframe that a few times over my life. First in Uruguay (I'll share that essay sometime), when I was thrown into a completely unsustainable teaching situation and had to summon the courage to leave before the end of my contract. I was a DNF (did not finish) in my first and only marathon, due to crippling cramps (could have finished, but it would have taken 2 hours more than expected, and my wife and toddler were waiting for me). Leaving my job and getting divorced were both things I never thought I would do. Quitting is one word for them, but I don't think it's the right one. Many of these choices came with others in mind. But even the ones that were about survival weren't failures. In all those cases, I would have had to sacrifice a different part of my integrity to stay put.
So I think instead of quitting, you are evolving. As you said near the end, this is a story about growth, shedding old skins, pushing curiously into the new. We don't quit childhood, we grow up. Alcoholics aren't quitting booze, they are choosing life.
You're on the right path. I'm honored to walk it with you.
I really think that I will be seeing your name on some form of writing again.
As you work through the form of the short story, I highly recommend the book, "A Swim in a Pond in the Rain", by George Saunders. He's also on Substack.
Your essay left me with a lot to think about. What is winning? How do define whether something is working or not? Is writing and the literary world just another vanity?
Thanks Drake. I can already feel new ideas bubbling up. I'll be writing again, when the project feels ready.
I love "A Swim in a Pond in the Rain." That books gave me the courage to think "I could write fiction, let's give this a try." I binge listened to it on audible during a long week of driving, then bought it in paperback to work through diligently. Story Club has helped me with my own study, and I've branched out from there, even though I'm a very loyal reader. Such a great resource.
I appreciate the reflections on my essay. I have wondered a few times on my journey whether writing and the literary world is just another vanity I fall victim to. I tend to think writing isn't, yet my identity as "a writer" is still an ego driven self. The "literary world" with a capital L, I tend to think is probably a vanity. But I admire those who have eschewed the limelight, eschewed fame and fortune and pride to simply write great stories that tapped into some truth. That's my guiding inspiration these days.
Yes, and I think that it is important to have some role model writers that you really admire and ask yourself what they would do if they were around today. Would Mark Twain post on Substack? Tolstoy? Hmmm.....
I find it very exciting that Substack exists as a space for this kind of personal inquiry and transformation. Everything about your words here sounds like thrilling and honest:
"I’ve told the stories I wanted to tell, and I’ve grown beyond the man who needed to tell them. It’s time for a new focus. It’s time for a new project. ... I have no idea what that next project will be." I think this is Substack at its best - so many of us listening so keenly. I hope you take all the time you need.
Well, I know it’s impossible for you to NOT be courageous in anything you do, so whatever this next stage begets, it’s going to be wild and I’m here for it! I’m not-so-secretly hoping there’s some Latham fiction on the horizon. I follow someone on Substack who writes incredible flash fiction, just a quick paragraph. SO challenging but the results could be mind bending!! (In the meantime, I’ll wait patiently I promise!)
I love this Latham. I’ve loved following you on your journey so far and I’m more excited than ever to see you continue to evolve and where this next chapter, evolution, takes you.
This was also a gem that captures how I’ve been feeling this past year: “I traded assurance and confidence for a calling towards Truth”
I feel like I’m pursuing Truth - whatever that means - but it’s so uncertain and scary and doubtful at times.
Great work here. I always smile seeing your name in my inbox.
2. I think that was Goose in Top Gun. If not him, then Maverick. And, the ORIGINAL Top Gun for those not familiar (were there any memorable lines in Maverick?). 🕺🏻
I hear you, Latham. But what is writing, after all, if not a neverending process of self exploration? So these moments of pause are necessary and healthy, especially for someone so sensitive and introspective as you. I myself have tweaked my writing to embrace more of the fiction world. I discovered autofiction and am enjoying it very much. I realized that by constructing characters around yourself you mysteriously get to know more about who you are. Quite the infinite quest, I think. So if I were to pick among the alternatives you listed, I’d certainly go towards fiction.
I think my own version of that, somewhat similar but just a bit different, is: what is writing if not a neverending search for some form of truth. Maybe that's self exploration, I'm realizing, for me, that search for some form of truth needs to move past what I think of as "me", the ego, the small s self, the hurts and pains and passions, and move into more of a universal understanding and truth. In some way, I think my self-exploration has focused too much on the exploration, and not enough on the self.
I love what you've done with your writing. I'm thinking about fiction strongly, studying it and dabbling in it, wanting to commit fully, but also not ready to declare anything yet. But I'd love to talk about it more as I continue.
💛💛💛
I started writing during the homeschooling years. It gets easier to write alongside more independent kids but I’m pausing too. My fiction is a mess but I keep trying to finish shorter pieces! I admire your pivot to a different project. Hope you come back when the time is right Latham.
I didn't realize you had started writing during the homeschool years. That's so impressive. My son is not yet independent enough. He needs a lot of attention right now, as we're breaking bad habits formed at public and private schools and laying the foundation for future explorations. One of my goals for next year (4th grade if he was in school) is to build some more independence into our routine. But I'm nervous about it. I also have so many questions about how your homeschooling experience was, what you nudged your kids towards and what you let them lead on, etc.
I'll be back. When the time is right, and when the project is ready. I'm already feeling a renewed sense of excitement at simply finding a new project.
Homeschooling is so hard and worthwhile. Is this the project you are alluding to? My daughter is also the same year. We’ve picked up a lot of bad habits at school too. We were doing a Charlotte Mason approach, nature based, child-led, and individualized based on her interests when she was 5-7. We had a lot of fun but I worried too much that we didn’t have the discipline for a consistent routine. Now she has the discipline of a consistent routine but she’s losing her love of learning. There’s so many trade offs with school! I’m here if you need any help Latham or encouragement. I fantasize about going back to homeschooling because it is really was the most intense investment of time you can do as a parent. But it wasn’t right for the season of life I was in.
Letting go is the hardest thing for our ego. I read Ryan Holiday’s “Ego is the Enemy” several times and loved it.
Surrendering to the unknown and new was the key for me nearly 15 years ago when I got sober. All of it—had to learn to be new again. It’s worth it. I’ll be curious and reading my friend. 🙏
I've read "Ego is the Enemy" more than once. I have multiple highlighted sections with notes that say some form of "Fuck yes!" as it helped me at a certain stage of my understanding. I even wrote to Ryan once telling him how much his work meant to me when I was a younger man. I'm glad to know it's helped you too.
I'm also curious, but I feel a renewed sense of excitement in searching for a new project. There are ideas bubbling up that I didn't know I would be excited about before I wrote this. It's funny how publicly surrendering to the unknown, burning it all down with no way of going back, seems to change our outlook.
Thanks for being here with me. You guys helped me have the courage to declare this end.
"There’s the desire (the deep seated need really) to be important. To do something worthy of this life, maybe even to be remembered in the history books. And then there’s the identity I built to accomplish all of those successes. The identity as someone who never quits. I never quit. I’m a winner."
I grew up feeling like the weird kid without the secret handshakes, so everything about that quote above rings true for me except the last line. I had a more tragic view: I'd never get ahead, but by God, I'd never quit.
I've had to reframe that a few times over my life. First in Uruguay (I'll share that essay sometime), when I was thrown into a completely unsustainable teaching situation and had to summon the courage to leave before the end of my contract. I was a DNF (did not finish) in my first and only marathon, due to crippling cramps (could have finished, but it would have taken 2 hours more than expected, and my wife and toddler were waiting for me). Leaving my job and getting divorced were both things I never thought I would do. Quitting is one word for them, but I don't think it's the right one. Many of these choices came with others in mind. But even the ones that were about survival weren't failures. In all those cases, I would have had to sacrifice a different part of my integrity to stay put.
So I think instead of quitting, you are evolving. As you said near the end, this is a story about growth, shedding old skins, pushing curiously into the new. We don't quit childhood, we grow up. Alcoholics aren't quitting booze, they are choosing life.
You're on the right path. I'm honored to walk it with you.
I really think that I will be seeing your name on some form of writing again.
As you work through the form of the short story, I highly recommend the book, "A Swim in a Pond in the Rain", by George Saunders. He's also on Substack.
Your essay left me with a lot to think about. What is winning? How do define whether something is working or not? Is writing and the literary world just another vanity?
Thanks Drake. I can already feel new ideas bubbling up. I'll be writing again, when the project feels ready.
I love "A Swim in a Pond in the Rain." That books gave me the courage to think "I could write fiction, let's give this a try." I binge listened to it on audible during a long week of driving, then bought it in paperback to work through diligently. Story Club has helped me with my own study, and I've branched out from there, even though I'm a very loyal reader. Such a great resource.
I appreciate the reflections on my essay. I have wondered a few times on my journey whether writing and the literary world is just another vanity I fall victim to. I tend to think writing isn't, yet my identity as "a writer" is still an ego driven self. The "literary world" with a capital L, I tend to think is probably a vanity. But I admire those who have eschewed the limelight, eschewed fame and fortune and pride to simply write great stories that tapped into some truth. That's my guiding inspiration these days.
Yes, and I think that it is important to have some role model writers that you really admire and ask yourself what they would do if they were around today. Would Mark Twain post on Substack? Tolstoy? Hmmm.....
Twain and Tolstoy, Dickens too - all serial writers in newspapers.
Saunders is hands down our greatest living short story writer.
I find it very exciting that Substack exists as a space for this kind of personal inquiry and transformation. Everything about your words here sounds like thrilling and honest:
"I’ve told the stories I wanted to tell, and I’ve grown beyond the man who needed to tell them. It’s time for a new focus. It’s time for a new project. ... I have no idea what that next project will be." I think this is Substack at its best - so many of us listening so keenly. I hope you take all the time you need.
Well, I know it’s impossible for you to NOT be courageous in anything you do, so whatever this next stage begets, it’s going to be wild and I’m here for it! I’m not-so-secretly hoping there’s some Latham fiction on the horizon. I follow someone on Substack who writes incredible flash fiction, just a quick paragraph. SO challenging but the results could be mind bending!! (In the meantime, I’ll wait patiently I promise!)
I love this Latham. I’ve loved following you on your journey so far and I’m more excited than ever to see you continue to evolve and where this next chapter, evolution, takes you.
This was also a gem that captures how I’ve been feeling this past year: “I traded assurance and confidence for a calling towards Truth”
I feel like I’m pursuing Truth - whatever that means - but it’s so uncertain and scary and doubtful at times.
Great work here. I always smile seeing your name in my inbox.
2. I think that was Goose in Top Gun. If not him, then Maverick. And, the ORIGINAL Top Gun for those not familiar (were there any memorable lines in Maverick?). 🕺🏻