I remember a buddy saying once that pain was evidence that he was still alive -- proof that he existed. But you're right that there are many different kinds and that those of us who have learned to push our physical limits sometimes lose track of which kinds are good for us. Hope you rebound soon!
Thanks Josh. For a long time I agreed with your buddy. It was almost a badge of honor that I could endure more pain, could exist more. I don't think that anymore, now pain is more of an experience to be examined and used to gain deeper understanding.
I'm rebounding slowly. The ribs take a long time to heal.
Pain is such a teacher. I loved this line: “I can smile to myself in deception, knowing that while the rest of the world sees one of those normal people, I get to know the pleasure of deviance again.”
Bingo. There’s a rebel inside that quiet exterior ☺️
Self-care is an important thing, and we're right to question the relentless pace of hustle culture, but this is still very real. "Other times it’s a method of transcendence, a beacon showing me I am not my body nor this pain but more." As you pointed out, there's a difference between self-created pain and the willingness to embrace life as it is, rather than looking for escape routes from organically occurring pain. To open oneself to it the way you describe has dignity and nobility.
And I’m wondering if it’s a pain you choose vs a pain that chooses you vs a pain that outright attacks you and by surprise. Like you described, the pain of hard work feels honorable and earned, a war buddy. The pain that is born from lessons that must be learned, a wise sage, also appreciated in time. But the pain that attacks, that pain feels foreign, alien, not of this universe. That pain scares the shit out of me, requires heavy meditation to battle, and is the sweetest relief when it finally retreats. If and when chronic pain arrives at my doorstep, I hope I can welcome him with the courage (and even desire!) you so eloquently describe here!
There's a vedantic teaching that says something along the lines of: when you know Truth, you can endure any pain and be happy. A teacher once told me that truly awakened people, those who recognize pain as a feeling which is not them, can sit in unimaginable pain and feel nothing but happiness. I was thinking of that teaching as I wrote this, and wondering how far that could extend. It's a dark curiosity to me, like all of these confessions.
This is so fascinating! But I can see the truth here. Because the pain I referred to as "alien" feels like an attack, a personal attack, an attack I'm literally taking personally. But take "me" out of the equation and I should take no offense and therefore be able to remove myself. The last time I was suffering from something chronic, I did try a meditation that touched on this theme and I do admit that it worked surprisingly well!
It's something I've only begun to dig into. The basic idea behind the vedantic truth is that we are all only consciousness, we are all God, and our bodies, our minds, our thoughts and our feelings are not us. So why would anything that is not us make us unhappy? I like the way you put that about the attack and taking it personally. That's so fascinating about the meditation. I'd be very curious to learn more about it if you remember where you found it. For now, I practice self-inquiry, with some other forms sprinkled in as stuff comes up (which it does a lot).
Yes!! I totally dig this! And from what I recall, the meditation had a similar idea. It was about the “pain entourage” … how, when we experience pain, there are all these attachments (mostly thoughts *about * the pain) that, like you explain, are not us/our consciousness. So you focus on the pain and try to label it as a “sensation” instead to help disassociate from the negativity of it. Then you consider what the sensation feels like or even looks like (Throbbing? Radiating? Sharp? Crunchy? Green?) It becomes more of an exercise in curiosity, studying it like you would a science experiment! Which, I imagine wouldn’t work for everyone but I appreciated the unique approach!
Yes, Latham. I understand. I do, I do, I absolutely do. Love how you put this into words today. Only one problem with this piece: which friggin’ quote to use as the restack. 🤣🤪🤓
Gorgeous, Latham: "I had to learn to enjoy pain. I’m still learning. Not the inflicting of pain; I despise hurting other people. I don’t even like hurting myself. I don’t want to break my own bones, cut myself simply to feel something. No, not that kind of pain. But the pain of hard work, the pain mixed with accomplishment and just a touch of pride. The pain of being able to endure, of being able to push myself, of love and longing and desire."
I remember a buddy saying once that pain was evidence that he was still alive -- proof that he existed. But you're right that there are many different kinds and that those of us who have learned to push our physical limits sometimes lose track of which kinds are good for us. Hope you rebound soon!
Thanks Josh. For a long time I agreed with your buddy. It was almost a badge of honor that I could endure more pain, could exist more. I don't think that anymore, now pain is more of an experience to be examined and used to gain deeper understanding.
I'm rebounding slowly. The ribs take a long time to heal.
Endure and overcome. But it is a kind of hell. Strength
Brutal.. Which is meant as a compliment to the writing and best wishes that your bout of pain ends soon.
Pain is such a teacher. I loved this line: “I can smile to myself in deception, knowing that while the rest of the world sees one of those normal people, I get to know the pleasure of deviance again.”
Bingo. There’s a rebel inside that quiet exterior ☺️
Beautiful confession Latham. Reminded me of this poem from The Prophet on Pain:
“Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.”
Self-care is an important thing, and we're right to question the relentless pace of hustle culture, but this is still very real. "Other times it’s a method of transcendence, a beacon showing me I am not my body nor this pain but more." As you pointed out, there's a difference between self-created pain and the willingness to embrace life as it is, rather than looking for escape routes from organically occurring pain. To open oneself to it the way you describe has dignity and nobility.
Wondering if, while you wrote these intense, poignant words, your pain retreated? Is writing a form of anesthesia, a balm, or a hallucinogen?
And I’m wondering if it’s a pain you choose vs a pain that chooses you vs a pain that outright attacks you and by surprise. Like you described, the pain of hard work feels honorable and earned, a war buddy. The pain that is born from lessons that must be learned, a wise sage, also appreciated in time. But the pain that attacks, that pain feels foreign, alien, not of this universe. That pain scares the shit out of me, requires heavy meditation to battle, and is the sweetest relief when it finally retreats. If and when chronic pain arrives at my doorstep, I hope I can welcome him with the courage (and even desire!) you so eloquently describe here!
There's a vedantic teaching that says something along the lines of: when you know Truth, you can endure any pain and be happy. A teacher once told me that truly awakened people, those who recognize pain as a feeling which is not them, can sit in unimaginable pain and feel nothing but happiness. I was thinking of that teaching as I wrote this, and wondering how far that could extend. It's a dark curiosity to me, like all of these confessions.
This is so fascinating! But I can see the truth here. Because the pain I referred to as "alien" feels like an attack, a personal attack, an attack I'm literally taking personally. But take "me" out of the equation and I should take no offense and therefore be able to remove myself. The last time I was suffering from something chronic, I did try a meditation that touched on this theme and I do admit that it worked surprisingly well!
It's something I've only begun to dig into. The basic idea behind the vedantic truth is that we are all only consciousness, we are all God, and our bodies, our minds, our thoughts and our feelings are not us. So why would anything that is not us make us unhappy? I like the way you put that about the attack and taking it personally. That's so fascinating about the meditation. I'd be very curious to learn more about it if you remember where you found it. For now, I practice self-inquiry, with some other forms sprinkled in as stuff comes up (which it does a lot).
Yes!! I totally dig this! And from what I recall, the meditation had a similar idea. It was about the “pain entourage” … how, when we experience pain, there are all these attachments (mostly thoughts *about * the pain) that, like you explain, are not us/our consciousness. So you focus on the pain and try to label it as a “sensation” instead to help disassociate from the negativity of it. Then you consider what the sensation feels like or even looks like (Throbbing? Radiating? Sharp? Crunchy? Green?) It becomes more of an exercise in curiosity, studying it like you would a science experiment! Which, I imagine wouldn’t work for everyone but I appreciated the unique approach!
Yes, Latham. I understand. I do, I do, I absolutely do. Love how you put this into words today. Only one problem with this piece: which friggin’ quote to use as the restack. 🤣🤪🤓
Gorgeous, Latham: "I had to learn to enjoy pain. I’m still learning. Not the inflicting of pain; I despise hurting other people. I don’t even like hurting myself. I don’t want to break my own bones, cut myself simply to feel something. No, not that kind of pain. But the pain of hard work, the pain mixed with accomplishment and just a touch of pride. The pain of being able to endure, of being able to push myself, of love and longing and desire."