Such a powerful piece to kick us off Latham. You put me there with you in those moments of sureness and those moments of doubt. Thank you for so clearly illustrating that Recovery is about being human. We’re all in recovery--from something we’ve learned or been taught—that no longer serves us. The self aware “somebody” you are now is authentic and real. That is good and that is plenty. 🙏
Great piece, Latham. I really enjoyed the back-and-forth here. I feel like it is such a human quality. I waffle between wanting to be someone and wanting to be a quiet noone type. Maybe I want to be known for being enlightened and quiet. I am not sure. You capture that feeling well. Great writing brother.
Love that you're seeing that the two extremes aren't necessary. That's a big step in recover, IMO. I'm wondering now if doing work that matters is the same as being an important someone? This is one of the toxic aspects of personal branding. There's little space in our culture to feel successful without promoting yourself, not just as an individual, but as a kind of commodity. I hate it. It's destructive for everyone.
Kids help put it all into perspective. And this poem by Emily Dickinson, written with a child's heart, might help a little:
A beautiful reflection. It takes work to become a no one. And to be a nobody is growth. How hard to shed the expectations of the human world. This is a useful and healthy perspective. Food for meditation and thought. Thank you.
Latham, I'm sure this took courage to write and even more to live it out. You've put put some beautiful words to my own struggle. I look forward to reading more.
I had never heard the Hugh Thompson story. Incredible. His story touches on a key for me, which is simply the ability to do what is right in any given moment. And doing what's right might look very mundane, but it's the rightness that elevates it to a sense of meaningfulness. I see the rest of my life's work as the effort to string as many right moments together as possible. If that looks like I'm being somebody, or being nobody, either one is okay with me.
I've loved every piece of writing by this group and this one is no exception. What's fascinating to me is how there's an underlying East vs. West philosophy within the story you tell. You juxtapose the problems of the latter with writings from the former. It's self vs community, pride vs humility, success vs contentment. Worth digging into further.
Wow, Latham... you pulled me right into your world here. The frustrating thing about this particular addiction is that, on the outset, we're merely trying to be productive humans progressing through life with a goal to become better than the person we were yesterday. "What's so wrong with that?" they said in unison. But unlike the typical vices, alcohol et al, it's a little more complicated than abstaining from the innate human urge to improve in order to Recover (<-- I DO believe progress is innate). Coincidentally, after I turned 40 and said "this ends NOW," I dabbled a bit in Taoism myself. Admittedly, after the bout of over-striving, "non-doing" felt pretty good. Similarly, as I read the incredible Hugh Thompson story, I felt as though being a nobody can often feel like a weight lifted, freedom, independence, unshackled from expectations. With all that said, admittedly the old striver in me will not be muzzled. She always returns hungrier than ever. It's a cycle. But as any addict would admit, Recovery is a life-long process that only ends when you end. Recovery is relearning how to love yourself broken but to see you are actually still whole without the accoutrements. After reading Alex Dobrenko's piece on dopamine, I considered my own addiction to the dopamine that couples my achievements. My cycles are paired with that sensation, the more I achieve, the more I need the high. My baseline is all out of whack. I've had a very productive autumn and I'm heading into a 2.5 week work break with an opportunity to practice non-doing. What could be an opportunity to do even MORE, it's also an opportunity to bring me back down to baseline, like going into rehab. It's going to feel incredibly uncomfortable. I could've come out of break with two fat fistfuls of productivity and feel like a million dollars. I'm going to miss that feeling. But it's about the long game, about the Recovery, about teaching myself the lesson that I'm worthy and lovable and "somebody" just as a living breathing human. Thank you for writing this piece. It's a signpost for me. And thank you (as ALWAYS) for letting me wax poetic in the comments section :)
This was beautiful Latham. Especially as someone who deeply resonates with the feeling of wanting to be someone, wanting to matter. But knowing how identity can deceive. And quietly yearning for a simple plain life.
I came across an idea in a Dharma talk about worshipping your desire. In the sense that it’s beautiful. That something within you strives towards the good, strives to be better.
Wow Latham. This is one of my favorite essays I've read all year. It captures a lot of the tensions that I didn't have language around, but now I do.
This paragraph hit me like sonic boom.
"I don’t love it. I tell him I don’t think it’s for me. I don’t tell him that it’s not the job I don’t love. I don’t love anything. I don’t remember how to love, I’ve been so busy trying to achieve and become someone and work towards that goal, that I can’t imagine loving anything. That would be too much: to admit the emptiness I feel inside when I think about work and my own life, to expose the shame I feel when I realize that the things I always wanted are even more empty than I was when I wanted them, to accept the fear that I’ll never figure out this life."
There is such power sitting in tension. Too often I think we try and throw it off to find rest and resolution, but when we sit in for long enough it begins to shape and mold us. It's there as the teacher we need, but don't always want.
Such a powerful piece to kick us off Latham. You put me there with you in those moments of sureness and those moments of doubt. Thank you for so clearly illustrating that Recovery is about being human. We’re all in recovery--from something we’ve learned or been taught—that no longer serves us. The self aware “somebody” you are now is authentic and real. That is good and that is plenty. 🙏
So damn solid. Love the honesty and vulnerability. Raw, true and poignant. Powerful stuff.
Michael Mohr
Sincere American Writing
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/
Great piece, Latham. I really enjoyed the back-and-forth here. I feel like it is such a human quality. I waffle between wanting to be someone and wanting to be a quiet noone type. Maybe I want to be known for being enlightened and quiet. I am not sure. You capture that feeling well. Great writing brother.
From a post this morning by Isabel; Cowles Murphy, this Chekov quote: " “Any idiot can face a crisis; it's this day-to-day living that wears you out.”
You might enjoy her article as a complement to your article, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
https://thenobletry.substack.com/p/the-pull-of-discontent
No one can avoid this if they are truly conscious. What a great piece. Sharing with my children.
Love that you're seeing that the two extremes aren't necessary. That's a big step in recover, IMO. I'm wondering now if doing work that matters is the same as being an important someone? This is one of the toxic aspects of personal branding. There's little space in our culture to feel successful without promoting yourself, not just as an individual, but as a kind of commodity. I hate it. It's destructive for everyone.
Kids help put it all into perspective. And this poem by Emily Dickinson, written with a child's heart, might help a little:
I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know!
How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one’s name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!
A beautiful reflection. It takes work to become a no one. And to be a nobody is growth. How hard to shed the expectations of the human world. This is a useful and healthy perspective. Food for meditation and thought. Thank you.
Latham, I'm sure this took courage to write and even more to live it out. You've put put some beautiful words to my own struggle. I look forward to reading more.
I had never heard the Hugh Thompson story. Incredible. His story touches on a key for me, which is simply the ability to do what is right in any given moment. And doing what's right might look very mundane, but it's the rightness that elevates it to a sense of meaningfulness. I see the rest of my life's work as the effort to string as many right moments together as possible. If that looks like I'm being somebody, or being nobody, either one is okay with me.
I've loved every piece of writing by this group and this one is no exception. What's fascinating to me is how there's an underlying East vs. West philosophy within the story you tell. You juxtapose the problems of the latter with writings from the former. It's self vs community, pride vs humility, success vs contentment. Worth digging into further.
This was an amazing read, Latham.
Wow, Latham... you pulled me right into your world here. The frustrating thing about this particular addiction is that, on the outset, we're merely trying to be productive humans progressing through life with a goal to become better than the person we were yesterday. "What's so wrong with that?" they said in unison. But unlike the typical vices, alcohol et al, it's a little more complicated than abstaining from the innate human urge to improve in order to Recover (<-- I DO believe progress is innate). Coincidentally, after I turned 40 and said "this ends NOW," I dabbled a bit in Taoism myself. Admittedly, after the bout of over-striving, "non-doing" felt pretty good. Similarly, as I read the incredible Hugh Thompson story, I felt as though being a nobody can often feel like a weight lifted, freedom, independence, unshackled from expectations. With all that said, admittedly the old striver in me will not be muzzled. She always returns hungrier than ever. It's a cycle. But as any addict would admit, Recovery is a life-long process that only ends when you end. Recovery is relearning how to love yourself broken but to see you are actually still whole without the accoutrements. After reading Alex Dobrenko's piece on dopamine, I considered my own addiction to the dopamine that couples my achievements. My cycles are paired with that sensation, the more I achieve, the more I need the high. My baseline is all out of whack. I've had a very productive autumn and I'm heading into a 2.5 week work break with an opportunity to practice non-doing. What could be an opportunity to do even MORE, it's also an opportunity to bring me back down to baseline, like going into rehab. It's going to feel incredibly uncomfortable. I could've come out of break with two fat fistfuls of productivity and feel like a million dollars. I'm going to miss that feeling. But it's about the long game, about the Recovery, about teaching myself the lesson that I'm worthy and lovable and "somebody" just as a living breathing human. Thank you for writing this piece. It's a signpost for me. And thank you (as ALWAYS) for letting me wax poetic in the comments section :)
This was beautiful Latham. Especially as someone who deeply resonates with the feeling of wanting to be someone, wanting to matter. But knowing how identity can deceive. And quietly yearning for a simple plain life.
I came across an idea in a Dharma talk about worshipping your desire. In the sense that it’s beautiful. That something within you strives towards the good, strives to be better.
Thank you for sharing (:
Wow Latham. This is one of my favorite essays I've read all year. It captures a lot of the tensions that I didn't have language around, but now I do.
This paragraph hit me like sonic boom.
"I don’t love it. I tell him I don’t think it’s for me. I don’t tell him that it’s not the job I don’t love. I don’t love anything. I don’t remember how to love, I’ve been so busy trying to achieve and become someone and work towards that goal, that I can’t imagine loving anything. That would be too much: to admit the emptiness I feel inside when I think about work and my own life, to expose the shame I feel when I realize that the things I always wanted are even more empty than I was when I wanted them, to accept the fear that I’ll never figure out this life."
There is such power sitting in tension. Too often I think we try and throw it off to find rest and resolution, but when we sit in for long enough it begins to shape and mold us. It's there as the teacher we need, but don't always want.