Really good, Latham! Love that haunting finish. This also reminds me of Tobias Wolff's awesome story, "The Other Miller," in his collection THE NIGHT IN QUESTION.
Since I know you're looking for things to aim for, I'll recommend Ben Percy's craft book "Thrill Me." It's mostly about fiction writing, but I use the concepts for teaching memoir. Percy writes about how to create more peaks and valleys for "modulation." You tell a story and have some thoughts about it, tell a story and have some thoughts about it. In that case, there could be a few moments where you take a beat to tell us about Miller, so he's less flat as a character. You're doing that kind of thing at the beginning, filling in the back story. Think about flipping that sequence a bit, so we get the problem first (the cake being pulled away, Mr. C calling Miller out), then little pieces of the back story as valleys between those action peaks. Could be interesting to see your own character develop throughout the essay in that way, too, with some big-picture reflections alongside the desperate self immersed in Plebe Summer -- the naive self before your training, the view from outside the military now, whether you've internalized Mr. C and that ship/shipmate/self value system, etc. What do you think?
Josh, I know this is long overdue, but thank you so much. This is such a generous comment. I just bought Thrill Me, to add it to my ever growing collection of works to learn from. I really like the peaks and valleys idea.
The assignment was to follow Freytag's pyramid, and as narrative arc doesn't come naturally to me right now, I followed that framework as closely as possible. But I really like the idea of modulating the story within the arc. Rising action, release a little, rising action, release, and again and again.
A lot to think about. Thank you again and I may send you some questions or early attempts as I play with it. If that's alright.
Always happy to chat about craft! Freytag's pyramid is a good fundamental tool, and it's helpful to keep in mind as the kind of backbone of a piece. Nearly every prose piece needs some kind of big turning point as an anchor (this is a staple at The Moth, too). But there are all kinds of ways to make the basic pyramid more interesting, including simple flashback sequences or braided narratives. And I've found that a book needs several of those pyramids rather than one linear build-up to the climax. A series of mini-climaxes, each with clear stakes attached, is often what pulls us through a book.
If you'd like, I could share with you an essay that a friend wrote when he took his first graduate-level course in nonfiction. He was a fiction writer, but had to take this class as part of his coursework, and he felt like a complete novice -- kept hitting roadblocks. The biggest problem was that he couldn't see what the larger hook was in any of the mundane experiences he could recall. I think this is really crucial in memoir. It's important because it happened to you, but if there isn't a universal dimension to it -- some larger answer to the "so what" question -- then it feels like a one-dimensional story.
I think this is the purpose of modulation, to frame those intense action sequences with some kind of larger meaning. Fiction does this, too, but in less direct ways. Memoir gives you a little more latitude to create a break from the action and think out loud about why it matters, or what you see now that you couldn't see then...that kind of thing.
Oh indeed! 👆Where you were on the ship/shipmate/self journey: I absolutely wondered that when you zipped your lips. Because if we’ve been around here for awhile, we know where the character of you is headed, so I was curious just how much had seeped in from that brief time or if it was only a bunch of obligatory blather amidst the firehosing. Agreed about wanting a vivid glimpse of poor Miller. 🤩
In contrast, I enjoyed your sequencing. Without knowing where you were at mentally and physically, the realization that this cake could be yoinked away wouldn’t have hit me so hard. And the fascinating things they did to y’all. Subtly, with one (seemingly stupid) cake, they booted you into a new level of push when you were clinging by your fingernails, and threaded in some more strands of ship/shipmate first.
One of the specific details that hammered it home was your ratty high school t-shirt. That right there set up so much about you in that moment, and is one of the main reasons why I was so all-fired interested in where this kegger -kid was at with the indoctrination journey.
Yours is one of my *Read Every Time. Now Missy* stacks. Perfect example of why. All this action & hoopla...with deeper undercurrents.
I know this is a late response (I needed to take some time away with end of summer vacations), but your comments, and especially this one, always help remind me why I'm writing. Why I do this when the words aren't flowing or it feels hopeless or the numbers aren't growing as fast as I feel my skills are. Sincerely, thank you.
It's funny, at this point 3 weeks in, I don't know that I had the space to ask how much I believed the Ship/shipmate/self mantra. I was just too scared of not making it, too scared of coming back home and telling all my friends and my girlfriend who eventually became my wife that I had failed. I wanted to quit, but I don't think I had the guts to quit, for fear of what it would say about me. It was much later, sitting in ethics and leadership classes or in summer trainings, when I started to understand it as more than words and wonder how much I wanted to live it. And by that point, I was already living it. Maybe I still am to some extent, still looking for my ship and shipmates.
No worries on the lateness. (You also lead by example to give myself the time I need if I ever start getting too many comments or getting them at a time when I don’t have the bandwidth to reply as I’d like to.) You’re so welcome! I’m glad they give pompoms.
I don’t doubt you still do live it, just maybe in a shifted way that takes into account the reality that we can’t do squat for the mates, much less the whole friggin ship if we always put ourselves last and thus crack from the strain. So in essence, self care and self development with that in mind IS still ship and shipmates first.
Oh man, I'm so bummed about the cake. My immediate sensation was to feel bad for Miller. Though I think putting myself in his shoes I would have done the same thing probably. This felt like Navy "Lord of the Flies" for a bit. Great stuff!
Thanks Camilo. I felt bad for Miller too. Later that is, when he left towards the end of plebe summer. In the moment I wanted to hurt him though, if only to stop my pain. It's amazing how low we'll stoop the first time we feel pain and want to escape it. And then how much more we can take as we learn to live with the pain.
I think it was sadistic, but I also don't think it was planned. I think our detailers were a couple years older than us and one of them thought it would be funny as a way to amuse themselves. And to be honest, every one of my company mates still smiles thinking about it. Hindsight being what it is, it was quite a funny moment.
Plebe summer got a lot more controlled while I was there. They started defining and cracking down on hazing, and I suspect everything from the pushups to the cake wouldn't be allowed any more. At the time, the Navy wasn't too focused on plebe summer as an area of concern. That came later.
But also, every one of us had signed up right after 9/11. We were all expecting to face far worse than the psychological hazing when we graduated, and I think that belief that we had to prepare for the worst drove a lot of common sense out the window. Right or wrong.
Really good, Latham! Love that haunting finish. This also reminds me of Tobias Wolff's awesome story, "The Other Miller," in his collection THE NIGHT IN QUESTION.
Since I know you're looking for things to aim for, I'll recommend Ben Percy's craft book "Thrill Me." It's mostly about fiction writing, but I use the concepts for teaching memoir. Percy writes about how to create more peaks and valleys for "modulation." You tell a story and have some thoughts about it, tell a story and have some thoughts about it. In that case, there could be a few moments where you take a beat to tell us about Miller, so he's less flat as a character. You're doing that kind of thing at the beginning, filling in the back story. Think about flipping that sequence a bit, so we get the problem first (the cake being pulled away, Mr. C calling Miller out), then little pieces of the back story as valleys between those action peaks. Could be interesting to see your own character develop throughout the essay in that way, too, with some big-picture reflections alongside the desperate self immersed in Plebe Summer -- the naive self before your training, the view from outside the military now, whether you've internalized Mr. C and that ship/shipmate/self value system, etc. What do you think?
Josh, I know this is long overdue, but thank you so much. This is such a generous comment. I just bought Thrill Me, to add it to my ever growing collection of works to learn from. I really like the peaks and valleys idea.
The assignment was to follow Freytag's pyramid, and as narrative arc doesn't come naturally to me right now, I followed that framework as closely as possible. But I really like the idea of modulating the story within the arc. Rising action, release a little, rising action, release, and again and again.
A lot to think about. Thank you again and I may send you some questions or early attempts as I play with it. If that's alright.
Always happy to chat about craft! Freytag's pyramid is a good fundamental tool, and it's helpful to keep in mind as the kind of backbone of a piece. Nearly every prose piece needs some kind of big turning point as an anchor (this is a staple at The Moth, too). But there are all kinds of ways to make the basic pyramid more interesting, including simple flashback sequences or braided narratives. And I've found that a book needs several of those pyramids rather than one linear build-up to the climax. A series of mini-climaxes, each with clear stakes attached, is often what pulls us through a book.
If you'd like, I could share with you an essay that a friend wrote when he took his first graduate-level course in nonfiction. He was a fiction writer, but had to take this class as part of his coursework, and he felt like a complete novice -- kept hitting roadblocks. The biggest problem was that he couldn't see what the larger hook was in any of the mundane experiences he could recall. I think this is really crucial in memoir. It's important because it happened to you, but if there isn't a universal dimension to it -- some larger answer to the "so what" question -- then it feels like a one-dimensional story.
I think this is the purpose of modulation, to frame those intense action sequences with some kind of larger meaning. Fiction does this, too, but in less direct ways. Memoir gives you a little more latitude to create a break from the action and think out loud about why it matters, or what you see now that you couldn't see then...that kind of thing.
I would love to see that essay.
More thoughts to come as I think more about what you’ve said. But for now, yes please to the essay
Oh indeed! 👆Where you were on the ship/shipmate/self journey: I absolutely wondered that when you zipped your lips. Because if we’ve been around here for awhile, we know where the character of you is headed, so I was curious just how much had seeped in from that brief time or if it was only a bunch of obligatory blather amidst the firehosing. Agreed about wanting a vivid glimpse of poor Miller. 🤩
In contrast, I enjoyed your sequencing. Without knowing where you were at mentally and physically, the realization that this cake could be yoinked away wouldn’t have hit me so hard. And the fascinating things they did to y’all. Subtly, with one (seemingly stupid) cake, they booted you into a new level of push when you were clinging by your fingernails, and threaded in some more strands of ship/shipmate first.
One of the specific details that hammered it home was your ratty high school t-shirt. That right there set up so much about you in that moment, and is one of the main reasons why I was so all-fired interested in where this kegger -kid was at with the indoctrination journey.
Yours is one of my *Read Every Time. Now Missy* stacks. Perfect example of why. All this action & hoopla...with deeper undercurrents.
I know this is a late response (I needed to take some time away with end of summer vacations), but your comments, and especially this one, always help remind me why I'm writing. Why I do this when the words aren't flowing or it feels hopeless or the numbers aren't growing as fast as I feel my skills are. Sincerely, thank you.
It's funny, at this point 3 weeks in, I don't know that I had the space to ask how much I believed the Ship/shipmate/self mantra. I was just too scared of not making it, too scared of coming back home and telling all my friends and my girlfriend who eventually became my wife that I had failed. I wanted to quit, but I don't think I had the guts to quit, for fear of what it would say about me. It was much later, sitting in ethics and leadership classes or in summer trainings, when I started to understand it as more than words and wonder how much I wanted to live it. And by that point, I was already living it. Maybe I still am to some extent, still looking for my ship and shipmates.
No worries on the lateness. (You also lead by example to give myself the time I need if I ever start getting too many comments or getting them at a time when I don’t have the bandwidth to reply as I’d like to.) You’re so welcome! I’m glad they give pompoms.
I don’t doubt you still do live it, just maybe in a shifted way that takes into account the reality that we can’t do squat for the mates, much less the whole friggin ship if we always put ourselves last and thus crack from the strain. So in essence, self care and self development with that in mind IS still ship and shipmates first.
Oh man, I'm so bummed about the cake. My immediate sensation was to feel bad for Miller. Though I think putting myself in his shoes I would have done the same thing probably. This felt like Navy "Lord of the Flies" for a bit. Great stuff!
Thanks Camilo. I felt bad for Miller too. Later that is, when he left towards the end of plebe summer. In the moment I wanted to hurt him though, if only to stop my pain. It's amazing how low we'll stoop the first time we feel pain and want to escape it. And then how much more we can take as we learn to live with the pain.
I'd read this book, dude. Great stuff.
Thanks Ryan. Book is starting to formulate in my head. Someday it'll come out, but it might have a year or two until it's ready.
Wowzers. Lots to unpack here. Fear and invincibility and vulnerability all at once. Good one Latham!
Thanks Dee. It was fun to write, and fun to reminisce on. Glad you enjoyed it and I appreciate you reading and commenting.
Woah! I could smell that cake, especially the sweet icing. The abuse is so disturbing. Isn't there any other way to train young plebes? Great writing.
I think it was sadistic, but I also don't think it was planned. I think our detailers were a couple years older than us and one of them thought it would be funny as a way to amuse themselves. And to be honest, every one of my company mates still smiles thinking about it. Hindsight being what it is, it was quite a funny moment.
Plebe summer got a lot more controlled while I was there. They started defining and cracking down on hazing, and I suspect everything from the pushups to the cake wouldn't be allowed any more. At the time, the Navy wasn't too focused on plebe summer as an area of concern. That came later.
But also, every one of us had signed up right after 9/11. We were all expecting to face far worse than the psychological hazing when we graduated, and I think that belief that we had to prepare for the worst drove a lot of common sense out the window. Right or wrong.
Gripping story Latham! Loved every word of it, had me on the edge of my seat. I want many more!
Thanks Oscar. More to come.
Woah. This was extremely vivid and I could picture all the scenes so clearly. I'm already impatiently waiting for more of these stories.
Thanks Becky. I hope you're liking the next one with more to come in the near future.
Evocative. Your writing just keeps getting better
Thank you Karena.