Before we both forget, go ahead and join the community here at Get Real, Man. It might just be the lego piece you need to become the man you know you can. Or at least, we’ve got some great stories. This week’s guest post is from Chad, who writes at The Human Fire
Beautiful Chad. Thank you for writing this and bringing this important perspective to your readers!
I especially liked this set up: “As I grew older, I came to understand that the “Dallas Man” story was an arbitrary, reductive, and suffocating version of a man. The standard narrative simply sold men short. I realized, as my friend Latham Turner put it, “There has to be more to masculinity than this.” “
Personally, I think the "masculinity guru" approach is set up to fail, and I would include Peterson as as an example of this (and Tate and others). Peterson still makes some good points, though.
Completely agree “manhood is a conversation.” Having raised two boys who are independent, happy men (one with a baby girl and another on the way), we still have conversations about what it takes to be a man in today’s world. Things have certainly changed from when I was a boy in the 60s and 70s to what my boys experienced in the 90s and 00s. So, keep talking, whether this is with your children, young or grown, or with mentees. There is so much we can still personally learn as well as share with our men today. Thanks for a great read.
Appreciate this Stan! And so grateful to hear you're able to keep the conversation going with your sons. I'm attempting to do that with my own little guy as he grows up.
This leaves me profoundly moved. As important as a discussion of my life as a woman in a society where we are daughters, sisters, wives and mothers of men.
Life today presents - thankfully - more nuance into societal concepts of masculinity and how men are modeled. The more discussion the better.
I just moved from Texas to the Boston area and am noticing its effect on my masculine awareness. I like to wear my boots. They make me feel tough which I associate with masculinity. If you really look at them though, they are essentially high heels. And when I consider this, I still feel tough, but in a different way. Maybe something more feminine?
Then I am suddenly in a tangle that is sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine, and most often a blend of both. And more. So where I am landing is that There are so many Davids that could show up in any given moment, using different amounts and qualities of masculinity, balanced with so many different kinds of femininity. A tangle.
David, glad the essay connected. And I can relate, having moved from Dallas to Boston 20+ years ago! I would encourage you to see your self more like a garden than a tangle - you're cultivating a variety of things you like, cowboy boots included!
"I’ve learned this through my son, who is an exquisitely sensitive little boy. There are times when he needs boundaries, times when he needs tenderness, and times when he needs rough-housing. As his dad, to be a good dad, I’m learning to recognize when he needs which of those things, and to orient myself to show him those qualities at the right time."
Beautiful Chad. Thank you for writing this and bringing this important perspective to your readers!
I especially liked this set up: “As I grew older, I came to understand that the “Dallas Man” story was an arbitrary, reductive, and suffocating version of a man. The standard narrative simply sold men short. I realized, as my friend Latham Turner put it, “There has to be more to masculinity than this.” “
I'm grateful to Latham for the opportunity to share it. And so glad it seems to have resonated!
I love Chad's point that "manhood is a conversation not an answer." There is a hunger among men for guidance through the conversation. I saw it firsthand when I wrote a piece on fellowship https://jeffgiesea.substack.com/p/male-loneliness-fellowship-friendship
Personally, I think the "masculinity guru" approach is set up to fail, and I would include Peterson as as an example of this (and Tate and others). Peterson still makes some good points, though.
Anyways, the essay resonates and I thought of it as I noticed this tweet thread just now: https://x.com/antonintscalia/status/1730217409707917445?s=20
Really appreciate this article. It is such a disservice to all men (and women) to distill them down into one thing. Thank you for this!
Thanks Eliza! Completely agree that boiling us down - men OR women - to one thing really does us all ill. We're so much more.
Completely agree “manhood is a conversation.” Having raised two boys who are independent, happy men (one with a baby girl and another on the way), we still have conversations about what it takes to be a man in today’s world. Things have certainly changed from when I was a boy in the 60s and 70s to what my boys experienced in the 90s and 00s. So, keep talking, whether this is with your children, young or grown, or with mentees. There is so much we can still personally learn as well as share with our men today. Thanks for a great read.
Appreciate this Stan! And so grateful to hear you're able to keep the conversation going with your sons. I'm attempting to do that with my own little guy as he grows up.
This leaves me profoundly moved. As important as a discussion of my life as a woman in a society where we are daughters, sisters, wives and mothers of men.
Life today presents - thankfully - more nuance into societal concepts of masculinity and how men are modeled. The more discussion the better.
Thank you, Parris, I'm so glad this resonated. 🙏
For so many reasons.
Hi Chad and thank you. Really considering this.
I just moved from Texas to the Boston area and am noticing its effect on my masculine awareness. I like to wear my boots. They make me feel tough which I associate with masculinity. If you really look at them though, they are essentially high heels. And when I consider this, I still feel tough, but in a different way. Maybe something more feminine?
Then I am suddenly in a tangle that is sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine, and most often a blend of both. And more. So where I am landing is that There are so many Davids that could show up in any given moment, using different amounts and qualities of masculinity, balanced with so many different kinds of femininity. A tangle.
David, glad the essay connected. And I can relate, having moved from Dallas to Boston 20+ years ago! I would encourage you to see your self more like a garden than a tangle - you're cultivating a variety of things you like, cowboy boots included!
Love it! And perhaps I can meet you halfway in an English garden. A total tangle of beauty and curated chaos.
There ya go! Love the expansion.
Great piece Chad.
This hit home for me:
"I’ve learned this through my son, who is an exquisitely sensitive little boy. There are times when he needs boundaries, times when he needs tenderness, and times when he needs rough-housing. As his dad, to be a good dad, I’m learning to recognize when he needs which of those things, and to orient myself to show him those qualities at the right time."
Thank you for your openness.
Thanks Anthony! Glad this connected.