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Joshua Doležal's avatar

This was one salient passage for me: "By not working during my prime earning years, earning no money and losing the accrued interest on those earnings, atrophying any work or social skills, I increase the odds of a failed future every day. It can be hard not to take heed of the coming storm, and I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I’ve made a mistake. But just because we can measure something doesn’t make it a story. And I refuse to let opportunity cost be my story. Because my relationship to work — in this case the lack thereof — is far richer than the numbers tell."

There's a tension in these sentences, and in the essay as a whole, between conventional notions of success and failure and the definitions that you're trying to craft for yourself. How could your investment in your son yield failure of any kind? Yet I know what you mean, as I struggle with this myself. Prioritizing parenthood doesn't feel like professional progress and doesn't come with any guarantee of recognition. It's a story that you have to believe independently of anyone else, a choice you have to own even if there is no tangible reward. That's pretty tough for those of us who cut our teeth on extrinsic benchmarks of achievement.

But as Lyle recently reminded me, you are modeling a different relationship with work for your son. There is clear value in that. Perhaps someday your example will be the life raft he needs out of hustle culture.

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Michael Mohr's avatar

Really enjoyed this piece. I relate a whole lot. You nailed it about leaving behind the unhealthy [conformist] system and embracing a new, healthy vitality which is self-sustaining and spiritually nourishing. I'm glad you're homeschooling. I think it's fantastic. The idea of "work" is complex in our modern times. We're all taught that money is the key to adulthood and success. But I always consider the spiritual and emotional sides to "adulthood." You may make a lot of money and drive a $150,000 car...but if you're an emotional narcissist, you ain't a man in my book. It's the ability to look inward openly and honestly, and the possession of genuine self-awareness that creates men.

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