Bravo, Latham. Thanks for sharing such an insightful, thoughtful piece of writing. I wish you well with the invaluable work you have undertaken with your son. 👏✍️
Thanks for this piece of writing. I'm at a different stage than you. I'm 62 and have retired from my finance career. I think (and write) about the system of work I no longer do every day, although I continue to be involved in a few different ways in that system. So, this line stood out to me:
"I can’t imagine going back to supporting a system I no longer believe in."
I'm curious to hear more about that from you. Is it that you no longer believe in it for yourself or have you come to believe that the system of capitalism itself, which prizes "hard work," is corrosive for most?
Another beautiful essay Latham. It’s been a treat to see you continue to evolve, both as a person and storyteller, even in just the last year. It sounds like you’re settling into yourself, finding balance between being and doing. And you’re so right about that low level anxiety that pervades adult life.
This was one salient passage for me: "By not working during my prime earning years, earning no money and losing the accrued interest on those earnings, atrophying any work or social skills, I increase the odds of a failed future every day. It can be hard not to take heed of the coming storm, and I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I’ve made a mistake. But just because we can measure something doesn’t make it a story. And I refuse to let opportunity cost be my story. Because my relationship to work — in this case the lack thereof — is far richer than the numbers tell."
There's a tension in these sentences, and in the essay as a whole, between conventional notions of success and failure and the definitions that you're trying to craft for yourself. How could your investment in your son yield failure of any kind? Yet I know what you mean, as I struggle with this myself. Prioritizing parenthood doesn't feel like professional progress and doesn't come with any guarantee of recognition. It's a story that you have to believe independently of anyone else, a choice you have to own even if there is no tangible reward. That's pretty tough for those of us who cut our teeth on extrinsic benchmarks of achievement.
But as Lyle recently reminded me, you are modeling a different relationship with work for your son. There is clear value in that. Perhaps someday your example will be the life raft he needs out of hustle culture.
Mar 25·edited Mar 25Liked by Latham Turner, Chad Smith
There's a layer of beauty in this that is still behind the scenes I'd love to hear about, which is the way this is an act of bonding, co-regulation, and teamwork for your family. Your decision and new direction, I assume, has required lots of conversation with your wife. Her willingness to be the one bringing in income at the moment makes this adventure possible. And this act of your willingness to serve a role in your family that wasn't your conditioned expectation is part of the magnificence of your story. To me this is the actual definition of a hero, the one who is willing to step aside from their default script to reinvent themselves in service to reality, rather than assaulting reality with the demand that it serve and conform to their script.
Really enjoyed this piece. I relate a whole lot. You nailed it about leaving behind the unhealthy [conformist] system and embracing a new, healthy vitality which is self-sustaining and spiritually nourishing. I'm glad you're homeschooling. I think it's fantastic. The idea of "work" is complex in our modern times. We're all taught that money is the key to adulthood and success. But I always consider the spiritual and emotional sides to "adulthood." You may make a lot of money and drive a $150,000 car...but if you're an emotional narcissist, you ain't a man in my book. It's the ability to look inward openly and honestly, and the possession of genuine self-awareness that creates men.
Latham, I really enjoyed this article. Discovered it through Michael Mohr. I am retiring from the Navy this year after 24 years on active duty. My wife and I sat down, ran the numbers, and made the decision I am not going back to work in the traditional sense. I am going to stay at home, do laundry, cook meals, and do a lot of reading and writing. I am looking forward to that opportunity to free my mind from the grind.
"I refuse to let opportunity cost be my story." bravo my friend.
I've been reading with "wild disregard" as well... I don't know how I landed on Ian Frazier's Travels in Siberia, a lengthy and very very deep dive into the history of Russia and Siberia by way of several journeys to this mythically vast frozen province, but it's beautiful and fascinating. I almost put it down but was drawn back in for his return in winter. I suppose the scope and depth of the book had to match the territory itself.
I appreciate your reflections on aspirations and anxiety. Perhaps they are two forms of the same thing: the wish to mold ourselves into something other or more than ourselves, and the tension that this forever-unfulfilled creates in our bodies and our lives.
Work is a sideshow that attempts to hook us by the neck and make us do what it wants. It's small and noisy—and no match for the creative and the spiritual. I hear you diving in, deep and quiet.
Latham’s piece linked here is part of our latest series, this time on Work and Money. Stay tuned for writing this week from myself, @Joshua Doležal @Lyle McKeany @Sincere American Writing and @Dee Rambeau!
Powerful stuff my friend. I imagine my piece on Friday will share much of your thoughts around the inverse relationship between the pursuit of money and happiness. Intention is everything and the rewards are plentiful—albeit not measured in the ways accustomed to in our culture.
“I’ve never seen him this relaxed…something is working.” That’s worth its weight in gold right there!! (Although I did catch the axe-throwing incident on my scroll down haha!!) If we’re lucky, our lives are soooo long. Why get stuck on one track from A to B when we can wander the forest? Especially if one of our kind joins us on the journey? I love this chapter for you. It’s bound to fill itself with the greatest of challenges, setting you up for lush chapters ahead, rich and nourishing like the loam beneath your feet!
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Latham. So much resonated, like this: “But now I’m not keeping up. And instead of feeling like I’m falling behind, I feel that my desires have become more pure. I still want to write a book, but for the simple joy of saying something true.” I feel much the same way in my relationship with my paid work. It may appear that I’m striving but it’s more of a game at this point. I take my service to my students seriously while also knowing the name “professor” doesn’t define me. I don’t believe in academia so much as I believe in the intense passion of the young people I teach. Their all-in intention to make a difference feels different from my anxiety-fueled need to “succeed” when I was their age.
Your son is one lucky kid to have this precious time with his dad.
Bravo, Latham. Thanks for sharing such an insightful, thoughtful piece of writing. I wish you well with the invaluable work you have undertaken with your son. 👏✍️
Latham,
Thanks for this piece of writing. I'm at a different stage than you. I'm 62 and have retired from my finance career. I think (and write) about the system of work I no longer do every day, although I continue to be involved in a few different ways in that system. So, this line stood out to me:
"I can’t imagine going back to supporting a system I no longer believe in."
I'm curious to hear more about that from you. Is it that you no longer believe in it for yourself or have you come to believe that the system of capitalism itself, which prizes "hard work," is corrosive for most?
Another beautiful essay Latham. It’s been a treat to see you continue to evolve, both as a person and storyteller, even in just the last year. It sounds like you’re settling into yourself, finding balance between being and doing. And you’re so right about that low level anxiety that pervades adult life.
Love it.
This was one salient passage for me: "By not working during my prime earning years, earning no money and losing the accrued interest on those earnings, atrophying any work or social skills, I increase the odds of a failed future every day. It can be hard not to take heed of the coming storm, and I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I’ve made a mistake. But just because we can measure something doesn’t make it a story. And I refuse to let opportunity cost be my story. Because my relationship to work — in this case the lack thereof — is far richer than the numbers tell."
There's a tension in these sentences, and in the essay as a whole, between conventional notions of success and failure and the definitions that you're trying to craft for yourself. How could your investment in your son yield failure of any kind? Yet I know what you mean, as I struggle with this myself. Prioritizing parenthood doesn't feel like professional progress and doesn't come with any guarantee of recognition. It's a story that you have to believe independently of anyone else, a choice you have to own even if there is no tangible reward. That's pretty tough for those of us who cut our teeth on extrinsic benchmarks of achievement.
But as Lyle recently reminded me, you are modeling a different relationship with work for your son. There is clear value in that. Perhaps someday your example will be the life raft he needs out of hustle culture.
Hey, I call you about my dreams and schemes pretty regularly...or at least to talk about how difficult it is to form coherent sentences.
There's a layer of beauty in this that is still behind the scenes I'd love to hear about, which is the way this is an act of bonding, co-regulation, and teamwork for your family. Your decision and new direction, I assume, has required lots of conversation with your wife. Her willingness to be the one bringing in income at the moment makes this adventure possible. And this act of your willingness to serve a role in your family that wasn't your conditioned expectation is part of the magnificence of your story. To me this is the actual definition of a hero, the one who is willing to step aside from their default script to reinvent themselves in service to reality, rather than assaulting reality with the demand that it serve and conform to their script.
Really enjoyed this piece. I relate a whole lot. You nailed it about leaving behind the unhealthy [conformist] system and embracing a new, healthy vitality which is self-sustaining and spiritually nourishing. I'm glad you're homeschooling. I think it's fantastic. The idea of "work" is complex in our modern times. We're all taught that money is the key to adulthood and success. But I always consider the spiritual and emotional sides to "adulthood." You may make a lot of money and drive a $150,000 car...but if you're an emotional narcissist, you ain't a man in my book. It's the ability to look inward openly and honestly, and the possession of genuine self-awareness that creates men.
Latham, I really enjoyed this article. Discovered it through Michael Mohr. I am retiring from the Navy this year after 24 years on active duty. My wife and I sat down, ran the numbers, and made the decision I am not going back to work in the traditional sense. I am going to stay at home, do laundry, cook meals, and do a lot of reading and writing. I am looking forward to that opportunity to free my mind from the grind.
Requires a big cup of tea and a second unhurried read.
But you know what I would say about the choice to be the guide your son is seeking as he discovers his thirst for a real education.
Such a pleasure to read your work again Latham!
"I refuse to let opportunity cost be my story." bravo my friend.
I've been reading with "wild disregard" as well... I don't know how I landed on Ian Frazier's Travels in Siberia, a lengthy and very very deep dive into the history of Russia and Siberia by way of several journeys to this mythically vast frozen province, but it's beautiful and fascinating. I almost put it down but was drawn back in for his return in winter. I suppose the scope and depth of the book had to match the territory itself.
I appreciate your reflections on aspirations and anxiety. Perhaps they are two forms of the same thing: the wish to mold ourselves into something other or more than ourselves, and the tension that this forever-unfulfilled creates in our bodies and our lives.
Work is a sideshow that attempts to hook us by the neck and make us do what it wants. It's small and noisy—and no match for the creative and the spiritual. I hear you diving in, deep and quiet.
Latham’s piece linked here is part of our latest series, this time on Work and Money. Stay tuned for writing this week from myself, @Joshua Doležal @Lyle McKeany @Sincere American Writing and @Dee Rambeau!
Powerful stuff my friend. I imagine my piece on Friday will share much of your thoughts around the inverse relationship between the pursuit of money and happiness. Intention is everything and the rewards are plentiful—albeit not measured in the ways accustomed to in our culture.
Bravo.
“I’ve never seen him this relaxed…something is working.” That’s worth its weight in gold right there!! (Although I did catch the axe-throwing incident on my scroll down haha!!) If we’re lucky, our lives are soooo long. Why get stuck on one track from A to B when we can wander the forest? Especially if one of our kind joins us on the journey? I love this chapter for you. It’s bound to fill itself with the greatest of challenges, setting you up for lush chapters ahead, rich and nourishing like the loam beneath your feet!
“I still want to write a book, but for the simple joy of saying something true.”
Reminded me of the Gnostic gospel of Truth, where it says right in the beginning that “truth is joy.” Thank you for your ideas, Latham!
“I still want to write a book, but for the simple joy of saying something true.”
Reminded me of the Gnostic gospel of Truth, where it says right in the beginning that “truth is joy.” Thank you for your ideas, Latham!
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Latham. So much resonated, like this: “But now I’m not keeping up. And instead of feeling like I’m falling behind, I feel that my desires have become more pure. I still want to write a book, but for the simple joy of saying something true.” I feel much the same way in my relationship with my paid work. It may appear that I’m striving but it’s more of a game at this point. I take my service to my students seriously while also knowing the name “professor” doesn’t define me. I don’t believe in academia so much as I believe in the intense passion of the young people I teach. Their all-in intention to make a difference feels different from my anxiety-fueled need to “succeed” when I was their age.
Your son is one lucky kid to have this precious time with his dad.
this was beautiful, Latham. I'm so excited for you and your son. Excited to hear more about your experiences in the years ahead.